August 23, 2011

Developing Your Child's Emotional Intelligence

The popularity of stuffed toys has risen to a tremendous extent in the past years. And why are kids get so attached to them? Probably because these toys listen to whatever they say and never complain about anything. The problem though is when the child put it deep down the heart, and gets too attached. Such is the case of my son. Rafael has been very sad lately because Pooh is getting so old. He even cried, saying, "Mom, what will I do if Pooh dies?".

In case your child is having the same dilemma, do not laugh at the situation, more so with your child's emotion. Instead, you might want to follow John Gottman, an American Psychologist with more than 20 years of experience in parent-child interactions, gives the following suggestions for parents who want to become their children's emotional coach:

*Value your child's negative emotion as an opportunity for intimacy.
*Learn to tolerate spending time with a sad, angry or fearful child. Do not be impatient.
*Be sensitive to your child's emotional state even when they are subtle.
*Try not to be confused or anxious about your child's emotional expression but learn what needs to be done.
*Respect your child's emotion.
*Do not tell your child what he should feel.
*Do not poke fun or make light of your child's negative feelings.
*Do not feel you have to fix every problem of your child.
*Use emotional moment as a time to -
-listen to your child.
-empathize with soothing words and affection.
-help your child label the emotion he is feeling.
-offer guidance on regulating his/her emotions.
-set limits and teach acceptable expression of emotions.
-teach problem-solving skills.


  1. Excellent advice any parent could use. I worry a lot about my kids, but then I also know that they should develop their EQ as well. So I don't butt in every time something is seemingly wrong (ex. my son quarrels with a classmate over a toy or my daughter is frustrated that she can't put on her shoes properly) so that they can learn how to solve their problems. :)

  2. natouch naman ako Ms.Joy..I so can daughter has 3 bears that she cuddles when she goes to sleep and my baby boy has his own pillow..even if my kids and I go for vacation they always bring them with them..maybe it has become one of their outlet of pain and fear of the abuse they have been through..hugging their stuff toys gives them comfort..

    thank you for the info.Ms Joy..gudmorning :)

  3. A child's IQ is, more or less, inborn (can be harnessed but there's not much that can be done with what we are born with) but EQ is something in which parents can contribute a lot in its development. And as recent studies show, children with high EQ are the ones who lead happy, successful adult lives.

    Thanks for featuring this relevant parenting topic :-)

  4. you know my nice ALIYYAH and ALYNNAH yung bingyan mo ng clothes? ung ALiyyah very attached sa kanyang pillow nung baby sya...hanggang ngyun. same with alynna may pillow dn sya n sobrang love nya nde makatulog without it tpos pag nilalabhan sa washing amchine UMIIYAK kasi nga kawawa daw ang pillow. it's nic ethat they have their comforting stuff ano? my kids doesn't have experience like that pero masyado silang emotional pag na se separate sa isang bagay or tao. when ishi's pet died - rabbit and chick, shes crying tlga and i can feel her sadness about it.


Thank you for the joyful comments!