September 19, 2011

If I Had Only Known

I haven't been posting personal articles lately. I find no passion in doing so. Though I do attend blog events, my heart is aching knowing that cousins (on both of my father and mother side), an uncle and a friend is suffering from a dreaded disease, cancer.

There's just too many unhappy events happening, like some three weeks ago my friend's father passed away. She was inconsolable on the first three days. She kept blaming herself for the lost of Tatay (I address my friends' moms and dads the way they lovingly do). My friend is at the moment three months pregnant. She even felt that her pregnancy might be the cause of Tatay's death. This brings back memories in 2002 when my father-in-law passed away, while John and I were in Boracay. We wanted to go back immediately as soon as they phoned us on the sad news. Unfortunately, April's a peak season, they couldn't get us a flight back to Manila. At that time, I was three weeks pregnant with the twins. I can vividly remember what John said, "if I had only known."

I fully understood the grief of my friend and my husband for I lost my mother earlier than them. But unlike them I was beside my mother when she took her last breath. How ever and what ever way we lose a love one, it is always heart-breaking.

When I lost Mama in 1993, I made it a goal to remind my nephews, nieces, godchildren, friends and their children to love, respect and honor their parents.

My father just turned 62 last August. He is not the the kind of dad whom we can make jokes with; he's the type who'll answer you with a yes or no, or he's usual ahh, ohh and hmm. He was in and out of the hospital last year up to February of this year. Though he's now in good condition, we cannot deny the fact that age is catching up on him. So I try to call him every day just to hear his voice, specifically his ahh, ohh and hmm...and tell him, 'I love you Pa'.

Why am I writing about this - sickness and losing loved ones? Just a simple reminder to savor the moment, to love fully and forgive til it hurts no more. Because we live a harried life, where everyone wants to be on the top, be successful and all, we usually forget to stop and smell the roses; forget to say I'm sorry, forget to extend a hand and even give a simple smile; more so, we forget to say thank you and I love you more often to people that really matters. Don't wait, say those words before it's too late.

Sharing here with you a song that Reva McEntire recorded in remembrance of her band members who were killed in a plane crash. It has since been used to raise money for St. Jude's Children's Hospital, and has been sung and quoted at countless funerals and even high school graduation.


If I had only known
It was the last walk in the rain
I'd keep you out for hours in the storm
I would hold your hand
Like a life line to my heart
Underneath the thunder we'd be warm
If I had only known
It was our last walk in the rain

If I had only known
I'd never hear your voice again
I'd memorize each thing you ever said
And on those lonely nights
I could think of them once more
Keep your words alive inside my head
If I had only known
I'd never hear your voice again

You were the treasure in my hand
You were the one who always stood beside me
So unaware I foolishly believed
That you would always be there
But then there came a day
And I turned my head and you slipped away

If I had only known
It was my last night by your side
I'd pray a miracle would stop the dawn
And when you'd smile at me
I would look into your eyes
And make sure you know my love
For you goes on and on
If I had only known
If I had only known
The love I would've shown
If I had only known

18 comments:

  1. Ano ba lalo ko naalala ang mga sandali na napaka lungkot! pero sana kung nasaan man ang father ko ay masaya sya, mahal na mahal ko sya!!

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  2. aw what happened to my previous message? Nweis like what I said, I HATE GOODBYES, I HATE DEATH, I hate PARTING time and I hate lonely moments. My papa died so early din without having longer time with him...that's the greatest frustration i ever had so from this I have learned to always have hapy moments with your loveones, always say yhow much you love them. Love you JOY! :)

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  3. Bedz: Wag ka mag alala, mabait ka namang anak...di nga lang mabait na kaibigan...peace bunso!!! At si Tatay, pahinga na sya...mabuti na ang kinalalagayan nya...

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  4. My Jes: I didn't see your previous message. Anyway, happy and loving moments talaga dapat pangalagaan...kasi we'll never know when our time is up...

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  5. If I had only known that my daughter would be going with Jesus to heaven so soon, I would have insisted on holding her close to my heart while she was with us. Sadly, I was only able to hold her close after she passed away. I guess all of us in a way blame ourselves when a loved one passes away. And, yes, we all have our "what ifs" and "should haves". But I guess all we can really do and should do is to focus on making sure that we are able to show our loved ones how much we love them now.

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  6. I love it when you blog about personal matters friend, I love reading your blogs. But the only thing I couldn't stand is talking about deaths, goodbyes, and yes, i agree with Jes, parting ways. My dad too passed away when I was just 14 and was about to celebrate my 15th bday that same month (August)when he was reunited with our Creator. And from that moment on, I promised myself not to talk about sad stories, negativity.... Happy thoughts should always remain in our hearts and minds.
    I completely agree with everything you've said, my dear friend, thank you for sharing meaningful posts like this. I've suddenly missed my dad.
    We shouldn't wait for that time again for us to say "If I Had Only Known..."
    I love you joy, I love life and I love God!

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  7. I knew what you're feeling. my mother left us early. She only lived for 45 years and few years after, our father died. :(
    while they're still here, let them feel they're loved..

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  8. Ms.Joy I am speechless..you know my story..I have a heart problem and I have already accepted my fate..I can go anytime..but honestly the hardest part for me and my greatest fear is to see my love ones leave me..I don't want to be alone..but it is a part of life Ms.Joy..

    We can't hold someone's lives po..if only I could..if only we could..

    So the best thing we could do now is to be happy and cherish every moment left for us with our love ones..

    Love you Ms.Joy :)

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  9. Super Nice post ate joy! u knw what, i envy you, because you can express your feelings and thoughts clearly.. hope i can too!

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  10. The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh in His own sweet time. Nobody knows when the appointed time is...so the idea is to seize the day everyday, don't delay in doing good for tomorrow might be too late.
    There are 3 cancer cases in my family now...so sad...but somehow I feel grateful because it means I am not
    entirely clueless as to when the parting time is. But come to think of it, lahat naman tayo sa mundong ito eh may taning ang buhay. Pwedeng mamaya, bukas o sa mas malayo pang panahon. Kaya nga, dapat lagi tayong handa. Para sa sarili natin at para sa mga mahal natin sa buhay. At bilang anak ng Diyos, manalig tayo sa pangako Nyang magkakasama tayong muli sa langit. :)

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  11. Olga, my heart goes to you as always.

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  13. Jing and Nuts: We lost a parent early kaya nga ganito tayo siguro, we love unconditionally...kahit minsan masakit na, sige pa rin.

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  14. Sie: I love you Sie, you are probably one of the strongest person I have ever known in my life...I still hope we can meet soon...

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  15. Honey: I believe age gives wisdom in all of us...may 10 years ka pa to be able to express yourself more.

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  16. Ate Chel: Nicely said...you will be a better inspirational writer than any of us...start na blogging?

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  17. If I had known my Papa would leave us so early, I would have told him that I love him no matter what. The thing is I was mad at him for a long time, gave him silent treatment and stuff because I he was not a responsible dad. He gambled all the time even if we needed the money.

    To make a long story short..I grew up and accepted the fact. I was gonna make amends na but then suddenly I got a phone call in the middle of the night that we need to go to the hospital because my Pa had a heart attack.

    ...if I had known that I would have visited him earlier to tell him I love him and forgive him for being sugarol.

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  18. Hahaha, sige pa, konti pang buyo at baka kasama nyo na ako nagba-blog :) Nahhh, alam mo naman nga bakit ayoko mag-blog. Okay na ako mag-visit sa sites mo/nyo. Comment-comment...am enJOYing enough that way.

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Thank you for the joyful comments!