January 21, 2014

Conquer Midlife Crisis

About 3 yrs ago, I talked to a friend who just turned 40. He was feeling kind of  depressed as he said, "I don't know why I feel sad. It's just that, I want to do a lot of things and stuff but my age run faster than my mind and my knees, I can't catch up".


I could not understand back then what he was feeling. I was just 37 at that time.  Now that I'm 40, I completely feel the same way. You see, I have a good life, a loving and responsible husband, and great children, too. But why am I feeling restless lately? 

It's exactly 3:21am, and because I can't sleep I Googled all about 40...

1.  About the age of 40, eyesight weakens. 
2. Forty percent of women have visible hair loss by the time they are age 40.
3. Midlife crisis


 Yes, I know that my eyesight's weaker now. I know that I loss hair a lot faster now. But midlife crisis? No way! I'm naturally a happy person. Oh, wait a minute, so this is what I'm feeling lately?

"Midlife crisis does not happen in a vacuum. Generally speaking midlife crisis is defined as a period of emotional turmoil in middle age (40-60 years) characterized by a strong desire for change."

So this is why, I want to change the color of my hair!!! Okay, as they say, the best cure for any illness is to accept that your ill. Though, I'm not ill, I am accepting, this is indeed midlife crisis. 


Sharing here 10 tips from Positively Present  on how to conquer midlife crisis:

1. Don't give up hope. When everything in your life seems like a mess and you have no idea why you are where you are, it can be so easy throw in the towel and let yourself slide into the quicksand of negativity. Don't do that. You deserve more than that. You deserve a second chance at your own life. Even if it's a teeny, tiny thread, cling to whatever hope you can find. It will save you. 

2. Find a new activity. Doing the same things over and over and over again can be emotionally draining (and damaging). If things aren't what you thought they would be, if you want your life to be different, you have to make it different. Subtract an activity that's bringing you down and add in an activity that will bring you up. Not sure what will bring you up? Try lots of different things 'til you find a perfect fit. 

3. Surround yourself with positive people. Crises can be brought on by the people around us, dragging us down. Evaluate the people you spend the most time with. How do they make you feel? What do you spend time doing together? If these feelings and activities aren't positive, find some new friends. A crisis is hard enough without a lack of support from positive people. 

4. Seek professional help. Finding the right therapist can save your life. When you're really down and out, the unbiased, objective advice from a trained professional can be just what you need to get yourself back on track. Don't try to talk yourself out of it or let negative judgments about therapy get in your way. Sitting on the couch can be just what you need to get you back up on your feet. 

5. Believe in your abilities. Scrub "I can't..." from your vocabulary. The more times you tell yourself that you can't overcome this crisis, the more times you'll be setting yourself back. It might seem impossible at times, but you will get through this and end up on the other side a stronger person. Don't ever stop believing in your ability to conquer this crisis. You can -- and will! -- do it. 

6. Change what's not working. You can't live the life you've always wanted to be living if you keep doing the things that you've always been doing. You have to change. Hard? Yes. Possible? Definitely. Figure out what's not working in your life -- the bad job, the toxic relationship, the negative thinking -- and change it. And don't stop at one thing. Change all the things that aren't working, one at a time. 

7. Figure out what you really want. Clearly a crisis isn't what you want. No one wants that feeling of isolation and frustration. But what do you want? We often whine about not being happy with our lives without giving much thought to what would make our lives happier. Make a list, keep a journal, tell a friend -- do whatever you need to do in order to figure out what you really, truly want in your life. 

8. Take it one day at a time. Every day will have it's ups and downs, but every day you start focusing more on the positive, making changes in your life, and surrounding yourself with the right people is a step in the right direction. Don't dwell too much on the future. Take each day as it comes and, little by little, you'll find yourself putting that crisis further and further behind you. 

9. Treat your body right. It's oh-so tempting to eat what we want, drink what we want, do what we want. After all, when you're in emotional pain, don't you need some sort of physical treat? No. No, you don't. What you need is a body that's in peak physical condition so it can help you battle those unpleasant emotional monsters. Eat your veggies, don't drink too much, get rest, exercise. No excuses. 

10. Join a club or group. There may be people out there struggling just like you are. Find them and work together to conquer your crises. Can't find a group of people going through what you're going through? Start one. It doesn't have to be crisis-specific (what about a happiness project?), but it does have to be something that will inspire, uplift, and support you. 


2 comments:

  1. I just saw this, and I feel like starting an "It Gets Better" campaign for people your age. Honey, I'm going to be 60 in April. I can remember all the angst I suffered when I was younger, and congratulations - only people with brains actually go thru it. If you're not thinking, you're not worrying. But the fact is, if you're a thinking woman, all the crap you're suffering through and all the big existential questions you're asking right now? That builds power into your fifties, and you get stronger and stronger as a result. Let me tell you, it's awesome being (almost) 60. So much of what freaked me out when I was your age doesn't bother me now. I'm on top of it. Feels great. Hang in there.

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    1. Thanks much, Lynne, for your uplipting comment! I sure hope to enjoy more of life as I age.

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Thank you for the joyful comments!