Stop Chasing People

It's the last day of 2017. I'm thinking of what to write for this blog to say goodbye to the year that was. Then I read a post on Facebook by co-blogger Reylen of Made It Through Mum, "I don't chase people anymore. I learned that I'm here and I'm important. I'm not going to run after people to prove that I matter!".

Reylen's post hit me hard! I was actually lonely for the last 7 days. I feel left out. I cried hiding the tears because I didn't want my husband and kids to see me crying. They wouldn't understand because I'm a toughie at home. 

I seldom cry hard. I cried hard when Mama passed away in 1993. I cried hard when Lola Ebeng passed away in 2007. I cried hard when Papa passed away in 2016. I mostly cry hard during goodbyes. And for the last 7 days I cried hard because I knew I'm saying goodbye to people that matter to me. 

I'm not blaming anyone but why am I saying goodbye to these people? It doesn't feel right anymore to always be wanting time and attention from people when the people involved does not really care about how you feel. And it doesn't feel right anymore when most of the time you feel left out. 

And for the last 7 days, I feel left out. This has been going on for years. I'm always the last one to be informed of the plans. Always the last one  to know what will happen.  Always the one who's not visited at home. I just let it evrything slide because they are important to me. I cannot blame them, I respect their reasons. 

The last 7 days of crying made me realized that I am not that important to them so why waste time crying. It’s like filling a bucket with hole at the bottom of it. So for the last day of 2017, I'll stop chasing people who doesn’t care how I feel. I'll stop chasing people who doesn’t care. I'll just stop chasing

Mela Sison (the lovely and fashionable Marketing Manager of Raintree Group of Restaurants) said it beautifully in her FB post, "Sometimes, You Just Need To Take A Step Back And See Where All The Pieces Fall... In That Time You Will See What And Who Is Important And Who And What Never Was. This Year, I Have Learned To Forget Those Who Have Forgotten About Me. And I Intend To Keep This Until Next Year. I Mean, It's Never Fair When You Are The Only One Who Remembers, Right?".