January 26, 2019

Ways to Cope with Goodbyes

I'm writing this article for all my friends and readers who are extremely sad right now for losing important people in their lives for whatever reasons...

Let's face it, farewells are an inevitable part of life. We say goodbye for many reasons, such as, changing careers and leaving years of friendships behind, kids are growing up, leaving home and soon marrying, forever goodbye with the death of a loved one, or ending a relationship (to a partner, a friend, a lover or a spouse).

According to psychologists, we start learning how to deal with being left early in life when we were young kids that is why it is very important for parents to prepare children, talk to them before leaving them for work. If a parent is able to both acknowledge a child’s feelings and also provide ways to soothe them, both before they leave and after they return, the child will learn more separation coping skills. John and I managed to do this well with our three kids.

My Mama has prepared me well when saying goodbye. I remember kasi noong maliit ako, I was the youngest kid for 7 years bago dumating ang 2 pang younger siblings ko. Pero Mama would always bring my Kuya when she goes somewhere. I'd ask her, "Ma, iwan na naman ako? Bakit laging si Kuya ang kasama?". Mama would then reply, "Ikaw kasi matapang ka. Di ka iyakin. Tsaka di ka magkukulit kahit wala ako sa tabi mo". Although I was hurting because I really wanted to be with her, I'd stay home and wait for her to return with pasalubong (in short, suhol 😀). 

Mama's words "Ikaw matapang ka" made me tough and it helped me throughout this 45 years. 

In order to cope with goodbyes, from simple to the complicated, we need ways to make ourselves feel better kasi walang ibang mag- aayos ng pakiramdam mo kundi sarili mo din. How to make yourself ok? Ano ba ang hobby mo? Listening to music? Then go ahead, listen or better yet sing as loud as you can (just make sure pag dating ng 10pm tapos ka ng kumanta para di magreklamo ang iyong kapitbahay) 😀.

Are you a nature-lover kind of person? Then mamundok ka! Join mountaineering groups, explore the mountains, commune with nature and find that inner peace.

Going to the gym is also a good way to cope with goodbyes. Magigiing sexy or buff ka na, nawala pa ang lungkot mo dahil exercising releases happy hormones.

Odd or weird as it may be for others, but cleaning the bathroom makes me happy. So kapag sad ako extra clean ang aming banyo 😀. Mas marami din akong natatapos na mga projects. I work faster. I work best when I'm sad. 

Whether you are saying goodbye because of death, or the end of a relationship, give yourself time to adjust. Give yourself time to cry. Ok lang umiyak. Pero wag kang magtatagal sa pag-iyak kasi mamamaga ang iyong mga mata, ang eyebags, nakakapangit!😀.

Losing someone is painful and takes time to ease. Nothing will be right in the beginning but you'll see the more you do open yourself up to the different emotions, the more you will be able to process the more painful ones.

Feeling sad about leaving one situation, or anxious about ending a relationship, does not necessarily mean that you have made the wrong decision. Most of us have these feelings about even the best possible moves in our lives. Nothing will be right in the beginning but eventually things will be alright.

Whatever kind of goodbye you are facing right now I know how incredibly hard it is, I've been there, felt the pain, cried bucket of tears — but hey don’t stay that way for life's too short to stay unhappy too long.

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